- We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
- Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
- Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Normal people… believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
- Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
- You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
- There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
- There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
- Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
- Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
- Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- The only risk of failure is promotion.
- The best things in life are silly.
- The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
- You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.
- The longer you work here, diverse it gets.
- Let’s form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
- One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
- Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
- Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
- Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
- Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
- Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
- I get mail; therefore I am.
- I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
- If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.
- If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
- If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
- In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.